May 3, 2012

Coachella-ella-ella

Months of hiatus.  Winter 2012 in Aspen proved busy and exciting.  With summer around the corner and more adventures in store, TAORM may yet receive some love.

In five days, two men will embark on a journey to Puerto Rico.  Think back to 2006.  Occidental College, Freshmen year, Braun Hall, Second Floor, Room 202.  Geoff Ball and Andrew Leede were roommates.  This reunion is lost past due - I look forward to it.

As the first post of 2012 (weak) check out my recent review of Coachella Music Festival.  This post was originally written for www.musteredbeats.com but I felt it qualified as a Radnius Maximus Adventure.  Enjoy:

Once upon a time, in the land of Coachella
A band called Radiohead coincided with an EDM Cinderella
Masses flocked to the stage of main, while a special few got lost in space and time
With reason and rhyme, a wave of Kaskade manifested the sublime
If one cares to relive those ninety minutes of glory
A simple Tweet will retell the whole story

Every spring the social media world is overcome by posts, #hashtags, and "likes" regarding Coachella Music Festival.  For weeks before and after the event, it is difficult for one to plug into the cyber-grid and avoid a mention of the festival.  Even more so this year as the festival decided to capitalize on demand and replicate the entire production for two weekends in a row.  Coachella is infamous for surprise performances, sensational visual presentations, and general innovation of the live music experience.  Still, the hype surrounding this year's magnetic lineup seemed to surpass years past.

Many will remember the day tickets went on sale - it was a madhouse.  I was lucky enough to reach the purchase page and secured a ticket for Weekend 1.  Naturally, the experience was overwhelming.  Without going into specifics of my personal endeavors, I want to focus on the two main topics I noticed on Facebook and Twitter following the event.

1.  Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg (plus friends) stole the weekend.  Guest performances from Eminem, Wiz Khalifa, 50 Cent & Tony Yayo, and Kendrick Lamar trumped rumors.  A sentimental tribute to Nate Dogg was embraced by the audience who sang along with Nate's unmistakeable voice.  Oh... and then Tupac performed a couple songs in hologram form.  Picked up by television news stations around the country, this display of technological ingenuity and downright legendary entertainment was phenomenal.  The guy standing behind me screamed in delightful terror, "WHAT IS GOING ON?!?" and summed up the occasion nicely.  Hats off to Dre and Snoop for, after 20 years together, maintained their showmanship and professionalism.  Best in the business.



2.  I love to dance.  Especially to dance music - shocking right?  I drive an Escalade as part of my job at the Sky Hotel in Aspen and when no guests are in the car, BPM is blasting.  Together with my Coachella mates, I wore a sleeveless shirt at the festival that read, "If found, please return to the Sahara (Tent)."  I will admit these things shamelessly.  Standout acts of the weekend included Alesso, Dada Life, Madeon (The Boy Genius), and Porter Robinson.  Still, as Day 2 came to an end and swarms of attendants converged on the main stage for Radiohead, Kaskade reigned supreme.  With room to dance and an energetic crowd, it will never be forgotten.

Why won't it be forgotten?  Because you can download the entire set, here and now, with a single Tweet.  Simple as that.

Visit freaksofnaturetour.com and click "Pay with a Tweet" to experience.  Also look for your city under the tour dates and don't miss out.

One extraordinary individual managed to capture the set on video.  Enjoy and dance on:


November 24, 2011

11.24.11

People, places, emotions, sensations
The tear and furies, smiles and elations
All contribute to the you you knew and the one you know
Ups and downs come and go like tides ebb and flow

Think back and look forward on moments yet to come
Times of rad outshine the bad, let me share with you some

Orange and black armor, take the field, search for glory
Blood, sweat, bruises, torn twine tell the story
Let the flags fly so bright and so yellow
Win or lose, we know not a battle called mellow

Shoes that dance conduct feet in hot pants
Her hips and her eyes induce involuntary trance
Lust only tonight, to love another day
Dancefloor kicks and hi-hat clicks, we can't stay away

Twin tips and kink rails, park booters and shooters
A blizzard, a flurry intice powder-stash-looters
Snowflakes, chairbakes, degrees of nine plus thirty
Bikinis rush the hot tub, cocktails arrive in a hurry

Stressful all-nighters and midterm nail biters
Textbooks and classrooms fuel intellectual fires
Knowledge is sexy, so read, write, and pun
With cognition comes wisdom, don't miss out on the fun

Borders and boundaries, lines drawn to be crossed
On pavement, waves, and wings - find the way and get lost
Dangerous and wild though this world may seem
Permit this reality - turn it into your dream

To all my friends, foreign and domestic
Today is the day we give thanks to the majestic
From mountaintops to four-way stops...
From coastline to skyline...
Cutting the blue with cloud scrapers
Forget all the headlines that flood all the papers

Hit a note with J. Andrews and the children von Trapp
Keep singing and dancing and never look back
Today is for you and the things that you love
Start with the universe or the Man up above

To brothers and sisters, born from both blood and from bond
Our embraces and squabbles account for the past
To girlfriends and boyfriends, brunette, red, and blonde
Our courtships that last, or those that shatter as glass

To mothers and fathers, who deal with dirty diapers
And watched us mature - wipe away tears with cheek wipers
To teachers and preachers, try and show us the way
This life is yours, feel free to stray

Eighty-eight to eleven, twenty-three cycles of heaven
Evermore until the end, which we meet as a friend

It's just a shot, it's just tequila, with some salt and a lime
Perhaps you prefer a lager or a glass red with wine
Raise your cup in the air for the sullen and fair
The world is yours, so give thanks, and have some fun out there

November 15, 2011

Wanted: Swedish Mafiosos and Armin van Buuren. Crime: Destroying Ushuaia, Going Live in Space


The Grand Finale.

Day three started just like any other – sweating profusely after few hours of sleep, ears ringing, head hurting, stomach empty… and completely stoked.

First things first, let’s get in the ocean.  We gather the troops and assume our position next to the lifeguard stand.  No drinks will be had this morning - we have a pool party to prepare for.  Tyler and I also need to figure out how the hell we are going to get off this magical, flamboyant, tremendous island.  A ferry from Ibiza to Barcelona takes approximately seven hours – what better way to rest than on a slow moving barge.  Balearia (the ferry company – named after the Balearic Islands) only has first class tickets available for tomorrow’s departure.  First class it is.  Tomorrow at 1300 hours we will turn our back on:

  • Heat.  Relentless, vigorous heat emanating, in a fashion I have infrequently experienced, from that ruthless ball of gas at the center of our solar system.  Please do not consider this description as an antagonistic, derogatory attitude towards our sun.  I love our sun.  I’ve been known to praise the laws of thermodynamics, motion, electromagnetism, gravitation, astrophysics, and luck – for, so kindly, situating our beloved planet Earth in this exact position relative to the sun.  We are so lucky to live on a planet with water (flashback: SpringBreakOhEight, Cabo) and fire.  Despite my unconditional, perverse appreciation for the laws of nature that spawned the sun, our planet, and the life maintained by both, it was really fucking hot on that spit of land for our entire stay.  The heat will not be missed.
  • Beaches.  Yes, there are plenty of beaches to visit over the next two months, including our next stop.  However, a unique atmosphere dominates Ibiza beaches – one cannot escape the conflicting auras of tranquility and excitement, calm and passion.  Never has it felt so natural to go crazy.  Ibiza, for our purposes (sorry historical Ibiza, I will check you out next time), was defined by melding music with people to create joy.  That effort was successful, and it felt so right, no matter the bonkers behavior that complemented such endeavors.  The beaches of Ibiza captured this balance of serenity and irrationality that embodied our experience there.
  • Food.  Again, more food will be ingested.  The meal at Pio Lindo will go down as one of the best of the trip, regardless.  Lengua de bistec and half chickens with french fries ALL DAY.
  • Blurry Nights.  Let’s be real, probably not the end of these either.
  • Friends.  “Turning our back” on these friends is not the proper term.  As I sit here in Aspen, Colorado on November 15, almost three months after leaving Ibiza, I am happy to report that the people we spent time with on the island were ultimately much more than single serving friends.  Not only did we rendezvous with a number of them in other European destinations, but we will be eternally connected through the cyber world and the almighty Facebook (where we share comments, likes, wall-posts, and messages).
  • Brain Rattling Beats.  We have a knack for finding loud electronic music basically anywhere we go.  It’s a gift and a curse.  Mostly a gift, because these concerts are awesome.  The shows we saw in Ibiza will, from this day on, quickly be brought up in the frequent discussion of “best live concerts you’ve seen.”  Anticipation of these experiences, coupled with their inability to disappoint launches the illustrious reputation of Ibiza concerts to an even higher magnitude than initially anticipated.

Before we set sail for Barcelona, however, we have TWO more shows to attend.  The Swedish House Mafia plays at Ushuaia, a fancy, new hotel right before Armin van Buuren (“Ze Greatest DJ in Ze Vorld”) takes the stage at Space.  This could be a good day.

5:00 signals game time and the commencement of possibly the greatest live music performance I have ever witnessed.  Though exaggeration for the sake of description is acceptable, I dislike the use of hyperbole.  This must be clarified at this moment because my previous statement – the one about “greatest performance ever” – conveys my legitimate feelings on the situation.

We proceed with the pre-game tradition on the new party balcony outside of the ladies’ room.  Jim Beam and Absolut flow as snails, tidal waves, scuba dives, and other high-five fake-outs incite boisterous laughter.  Tie in a solid buzz and mix some Fanta-vodkas to go.  Clad in bikinis, boardshorts, sandals, and cutoffs, things already look promising.  Six people deep necessitates two cabs so I hop in with the girls and meet Tyler, Reign, and Jonathon at the entrance.  Reunited at the party, we swagger to the security check with Alex Metric spinning wax in the background.  The energy can be felt even outside the white stucco walls and thick wooden doors separating us from the raucous crowd inside.

Minor setback:  Security does not like my Peruvian soccer jersey.  “No deportes,” says the beefhead security guard, “no puedes llevar esta camisa.”  This makes sense – sports gangs are intense in Spain.  The solution was right around the corner.  For 8.95€ I purchase a black shirt with:

I Y
IBIZA

Time to rage.  Two steps inside the Ushuaia gates and I knew this was going to be special.  There are hundreds of people surrounding the gigantic pool, facing a massive stage, dancing their faces off to the undeniable skills of Alex Metric.  Paths of stones dash across the water surface like lily pads; they boast professional dancers don their unmistakable attire and lead the attendants in the art of motion.  Palm trees provide shade and wading pools cool water to all the beautiful bodies dancing wildly.  For some reason, drinks are way cheaper here than other clubs, so guess what, we order a few.  Waiting to order, I hear the familiar sound of jet engines – only it’s louder than usual.  Eyes to the sky to find the source – it is difficult to miss.  A commercial airliner, a big one, comes screaming over the crowd at the tail end of its final descent, clearing the top of the stage by (maybe) 600 feet.  The crowd loves it.  Ushuaia is four kilometers from the Ibiza airport.  I don’t know if this was designed on purpose but a couple dozen jumbo and private jets flying directly above the stage added some serious points to the showmanship and aesthetics of the performance.  It was an incredible sight.

Our group finds a perfect, spacious dance location right next to the pool with a great view of the stage (and planes).  Just as we get settled I hear, once again, a familiar Swedish voice; unlike at Pacha, however, three men grace the stage this evening.

“Ushuaia… (crowd goes crazy) Ibiza… (more people go crazy) Make some fucking NOISE (everyone goes crazy).  My name is Steve Angello, this is Axwell, and Sebastian Ingrosso.  We are the Swedish House Mafia.  Are you ready to party?”

Yes, Steve, yes I am.

The next three hours were indescribable.  The Swedes lived up to their reputation – crisp production, technical precision, crowd control, jaw-dropping pyrotechnics, unparalleled stage presence, and a fundamental love for dance music confirmed these men as the most professional trio in the business.  At one point, they mixed Adele’s “Rolling in the Deep” vocals with the classic “Sweet Dreams” beat to an encouraging result; as they dropped the main line in this banger remix, their trademark fireworks flung sparks into the sky just as an easyJet flight came in for landing directly overhead.  The FAA would have thrown a shitfit if these antics were attempted in the United States.  I wondered if the passengers in the planes could see us, I hoped they could.  What a memorable welcome into Ibiza.  I will never forget Ushuaia, the Swedes, the fireworks, the planes, the pool.  An inherent smile plasters my face every time I recount the experience.

At 11:40 pm we catch a cab back to Giramundo – the night has just begun.  We have to see Armin van Buuren.  Live.  At Space.  In Ibiza.  I have to convince myself that this is real life.

The hostel is bumpin when we arrive.  All rooms on both floors apparently took to the halls to party as one – it looked like Braun Hall the first week of college, except way more intense and a little more legal.  People are pouring mix drinks, taking shots of absinthe, slamming beers, and dabbling in other goodies as we walk in the door.  We find familiar friends and meet new ones, and eventually have to stop talking about what just occurred at Ushuaia because everyone was so jealous.  Bite to eat, couple more drinks, new clothes, and we are ready for liftoff to Space.  We arrived at the cabstand with eighteen people from our hostel.  EIGHTEEN!  That’s the majority of the available beds in the hostel.  That’s also how we ran things at Giramundo.

Space is smaller than I imagined.  Once inside, one can go to the lounge/bar/restroom area on the left or the main stage on the right.  Our timing was impeccable; caught the last few tracks of Gareth Emery’s set (should have seen it all, but fear not – the Ministry of Sound in London hosted Mr. Emery on our second to last night in Europe) before the screen on stage read, straight up, “Armin van Buuren.”  Immediately I yell, “ZE BEST DJ IN ZE VORLD” as he took the stage (fans have actually voted van Buuren DJMag’s Number One DJ in the world for the past four years).  Once again, the hype is met with incredible performance.  The dance floor was compact but everyone was wary of other’s personal space.  The lights and music were synced wonderfully.  Savoy lasers were utilized to their full extent; unlike in America, where groups using said lasers do not shoot them on the audience.  In Space, safety comes second to sick light shows, eyesight is at risk – just don’t look straight at them.  With an older crowd, which I assumed consisted of long-time van Buuren followers was hooked and involved without being overly active.  This was perfect for my last showon the island and allowed me to take in the whole experience, with a beautiful girl and close friends, instead of dancing like a madman with minimal regard to those in the vicinity.  Mr. van Buuren has the best job in the world, and he knows it.  He jumped around and fist-pumped more on stage than half the people in the crowd – entertaining antics behind the 1s and 2s.

We left Space completely exhausted but happy.  Back at the hostel we all reconvened in our room and chatted over McDonalds (clutch move, Reign).  Around five in the morning everyone dispersed and I welcomed sleep knowing it would be my last time (hopefully) I would sweat through the night.  A few hours later it was time to check out and catch the boat to Barcelona.  I bid adieu to our new, worthy, amazing friends and ventured on to the next adventure.

A heartfelt thank you to the friends that made Operation: Ibiza the legendary experience I so wished it would be.

I Y IBIZA – more than just a t-shirt. 

November 2, 2011

Comedy at the Expense of Others


Not fifteen minutes after our train arrived in Paris from Chamonix–Mont Blanc, we boarded the underground metro en route to Le Montclair Hostel. The train was crowded prior to our embarkation and even more so after ten people filed in before Tyler and me. Our transition from the waiting platform to the bus itself went smoothly, but those behind us were not so lucky. Comfortably situated in my position, I watched several other citizens cram their way onto the train before the comedy began. Imagine the scene in The Lord of the Rings when Gandalf faces off against the Belrog and yells “YOU. SHALL NOT. PAASSSS!” In this case, the people of Paris were the Belrog and the metro car doors were Gandalf.
One chap managed to entrain only to be stopped in his tracks when the sliding doors closed on his backpack. People getting clothing and other objects caught in subway doors has been a longstanding joke on television and in movies but this was real life, and I was stoked about it. A look of panic fell across his face as he struggled to free his bag from the train’s grasp. Once he yanked his backpack free and the doors reopened, another group pounced on the opportunity to flood the already imbued train. This time, the threshold closed even more violently, trapping two women face-to-face. An audible, “OO!” and subsequent struggles of these women (the subjects) and curses provoked a loud, involuntary chuckle from me (the spectator). I watched helplessly, as they reached over each other’s shoulders and forced the doors open once again. As I stood bewildered as to why these people refused to wait the entire two minutes and ten seconds for the next train, another mess of Frenchmen, this time three people abreast, tried to charge the open gates only to get crushed by the dismissive portal. It was chaos, and it was hilarious.
Laughing fit is an understatement. This was one of those situations where, even if you try your hardest not to laugh, you remember the calamity and cannot maintain composure. My attempts to conceal my amusement were honest, but I fear they were ultimately futile. Whether the subjects of said folly knew I was laughing at them, I am unsure; other onlookers were surely entertained, making the situation that much funnier. Surely (hopefully), even some of the victims could see the humor. If the entire metro car had celebrated the undeniable folly of a few (including the subjects themselves), this event would have had an immense impact on the positive energy throughout all of Paris. Seeing as I may have been the only one laughing out loud, I kept my delight to myself as best I could.
The next day, we visited the Eiffel Tower and, once again, found ourselves laughing at the expense of complete strangers. There is an ancient art form I have seen practiced and heard about in friendly conversation. It is self-serving but harmless to others; meddling but not truly invasive in other people’s business; wholly entertaining with minimal risk of detrimental consequences. This art is known as, “Taking Pictures of People Taking Pictures,” and it is hilarious. Many friends have dabbled in this practice but I was a stranger to it before this Eiffel Tower shoot. The tower is situated to the northwest of a large park, the Champs de Mars. Imagine the typical tourist picture with the Eiffel Tower in the background; there is an 85% chance that was taken from the Champs de Mars. The field is flooded with people posing, jumping in the air, and pretending to hold the tower in the palm of their hand – searching for that one great photo of them in Paris. On the other side of the lends, photographers contort their body into unnatural positions, lie on their stomach, and just look goofy in general trying to capture that moment. Either of these subjects, when photographed from a spectator’s point of view, offer fine entertainment. For some reason, observing other people involved in a photo shoot is funny. People’s behavior is funny, in general, but accentuated when the lens is on them.

Right now, as I reflect on these instances of comedic fortune, I am sitting in the last row of pews in Notre Dame de Paris. One of the most significant buildings in Paris, its construction began in 1160 under Maurice de Sully and was completed in 1345 after various remodels and add-ons. Notable historical events associated with Notre Dame include: Heraclius of Caesarea called for the Third Crusade (1185); the Wolves of Paris, a man-eating wolf pack in the winter of 1450 was killed after being lured into the city by the furious Parisian public (1450); the coronation of Napoleon Bonaparte – he is a pretty big deal in France (1804); Victor Hugo published The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1831); Joan of Arc was beatified and canonized (1909 and 1920, respectively); The Te Deum Mass, a celebration of the liberation of Paris may or may not have been interrupted by sniper fire (August 26, 1944); Andrew Leede wrote Comedy at the Expense of Others (2011).
Sitting in this holy place, one of the most important historical buildings in all of Europe, I write about laughing at the folly of others. While I consider myself wholly non-religious, my agnostic tendencies fabricate a sense of curiosity and possibility that are exemplified when around religiously spiritual people or in places of worship. Naturally, while reminiscing of metro doors slamming on citizens and taking pictures of people taking pictures, I cannot decide if this situation is:
A)   Fitting (confessing my guilty pleasures in a house of God)
B)    Satirically ironic (does Jesus get a kick out of human folly Himself?)
C)    Mildly inappropriate
D)   All of the above

This notion conjures another, bigger question: When is comedy at the expense of a stranger ever appropriate or inappropriate? What factors determine said propriety? To me, it comes down to the subject – the person being laughed at because of their folly. There are two situations the subject could be in; they are either privy to the fact that they are being laughed at, or they are completely unaware. I put forth the idea that if the subject suspects they are being laughed at, they fall into the “aware” category.
Let us dissect this, starting with the unaware subject. This is a complicated scenario for many reasons. Should one’s actions be significant outside of their own personal realm? That is, should one person’s behavior affect those not directly associated with said individual or should “mind your own business” be the way of it? Given that we are all part of the same reality and one’s conduct can influence those of another through direct contact, sensation, observation, or even story-telling, I argue that yes, an individual’s actions are significant to all others exposed to them.
Back to the unaware subject – is it okay to laugh at them if they don’t know or assume you are? My first reaction is yes. If they are neutral in the situation, they contribute zero (0) points to the energy of the universe. Whereas the spectator, who finds joy through the form of laughter, contributes at least one (1) point to the positive energy of the universe. If the subject is unaffected and the spectator amused, would that not seem an appropriate opportunity to laugh? Embrace the situation for what it is, a simple folly by one is a significant positive event in the reality of another. No harm, no foul, right?
The only case in which a situation incites negativity is if the subject of folly becomes embarrassed, guilty, ashamed, angry, sad, or distressed in any way because of said folly. This could occur regardless of whether the subject is aware or unaware they are being laughed at. In the case of the unaware subject, if they become distressed, they are likely feeling one single emotion (i.e. embarrassment, anger, sadness) due to their personal folly. This would naturally contribute one (1) point of negative energy to the universe. The spectator, however, still retains the amusement and thus the one (1) point of positivism. Technically, this becomes a neutral situation (1-1=0), leaving the spectator with their personal moral compass to determine whether it is appropriate to laugh. One could also argue that a distressed subject could inspire sympathy on part of the spectator. If sympathy contributes one (1) point of positive energy, the scales tip towards “appropriate.”  Sympathetic laughter is two (2) points. On the same token, if the spectator is just plain mean and finds further joy in the distress of the subject, then that surely contributes at least one (1) point to the negative energy of the universe. Laughing at another’s folly is not the same as laughing at another’s misfortune or torment. For the purpose of this exercise, let us maintain my personal blind faith in humanity and categorize this situation as “unlikely.” So as it stands, if the subject of folly is oblivious to the fact they are being laughed at, the situation is either neutral or a positive contributor to the energy of the universe, thus making laughter appropriate.
Then comes the subject who is privy to being the subject.  It is much easier to deem laughter in this situation as proper or improper – propriety relies solely on the attitude of the subject. If, after the folly occurs, the subject becomes distressed, one (1) automatic negative energy point is awarded. Upon realizing that they are the topic of another person’s laughter, further distress will likely ensue, increasing the possible amount of negative points generated by the situation. Example: folly occurs, subject becomes sad (-1), subject sees they are being laughed at and becomes angry and embarrassed (-1-1-1 = -3), the spectator is amused (-3+1 = -2), perhaps the subject sympathizes with the subject (-2+1 = -1) or finds joy from misfortune (-2-1 = -3).  Regardless, the best possible scenario would be a neutral situation (1-1 = 0).  In which case, one must side with the distressed subject as it was their personal folly that instigated the situation in the first place; their allocation of universal energy points holds sway over those of the uninvolved bystanders.
Finally, we have the best situation of them all: the celebration of folly. When the subject, the only possible contributor of negative energy (given the assumption that humanity, in general, is not mean), receives joy from his or her own folly, the possible positivism is limitless. When the subject is amused by their own folly, two (2) positive energy points are awarded; one for inciting laughter, another for the humility required to laugh at oneself. Add in the one (1) point for spectator laughter and we are already at three (3) points of positive energy. Then things get interesting.  Since the subject is aware the spectator is laughing at them, and they are laughing at themselves, the two are laughing at the situation together, automatically squaring (32 = 9) the points of positivism, because we all know laughing with someone is exponentially better than laughing alone. Add another spectator (“onlooker”) and this one (1) point of amusement is added to the total of the original situation (3+1 = 4).  Since they are likely laughing together, this total is squared (42 = 16). Do we see a trend here? How far can this actually go? Imagine the subject makes an effort to exhibit their folly. This would require laugher (+1), humility (+1), and now pride (+1) when considering their action, bringing the most fundamental point total of that action to three (3) in favor of positivism. Add a single spectator, including their one (1) point of laughter, and that total is squared. The more spectators and onlookers that contribute positive energy to the situation, the higher the point total will be.  Theoretically, one single act of folly, when embraced by the subject and present to others could create thousands of positive energy points for the universe. This is why we should all celebrate folly. This is also why America’s Funniest Home Videos (AFV) is the most positive show on television. Individuals embracing personal folly and making it available to thousands of others to laugh at their expense is the greatest celebration of folly in the modern world. To calculate the number of positive energy points fashioned during any given episode of AFV is a daunting task, I will not attempt to address it right now.

Moral of the story:  Laugh.  Laugh by yourself, at yourself; laugh with others, at others. Every time you do, that is one (1) point in favor of positivism and, as we just learned, it is easier to multiply that positivism than cancel it with negativity.

TRUE STORY SUPPLEMENT: As I sat in Notre Dame, scribbling down jargon about the mathematics behind comedy at the expense of others, something happened. A young boy was merrily skipping down the aisle of the cathedral, paying little attention to where he was going. His eyes were at his feet, over his shoulder, to the ceiling, everywhere but in front of him. I watched as this lad ran (at a brisk pace) face-first into the rope separating visitors from service attendees. My initial laugh was involuntary – the action itself was funny.  The boy was completely unfazed and I got a rise (0+1 = 1). My laughter faded as my eyes narrowed and I peered around Notre Dame, suspicious of who exactly was listening to my thoughts. Was witnessing this child’s folly at this exact moment a coincidence? Or was it a sign? If it was a coincidence, the timing could not have been better.  If it was a sign… then well played, God, well played.

October 27, 2011

Amnesia. A Definition.

Sleep did not come easily last night.  Refusing taxi service, claiming, “Cabs are for pussies,” we walked home from Pacha deep in conversation, trying to get a grasp of what had happened.  “I love you, man.  Seriously, we are going to have that experience for the rest of our lives,” I declare, holding my face in my palms, slowly swerving down the avenue.  “That was eight years in the making, and we did it.  We CRUSHED it.  Axwell and Dirty South crushed it.  Canadian girls crushed it.  So real.”  Conversation and wonderment fueled our stroll back to the hostel where we arrived promptly at 6:30 in the morning.  I may have been in bed, my eyes may have been closed, but I only thought about how I would ever describe Masquerade Motel.  Slumber coincided with the first signs of sunrise.

A few short hours later, Candace’s lovely voice offers, “you guys want to go to the beach?”  Yes, please.  That sounds perfect.

This shoreline experience proved far superior to our disgraceful endeavor the day before.  Direct exposure to the sun was welcomed, not feared.  The sand was soft, not sweat’s accomplice in an effort to infuriate me.  Conversation incited laughs and stories, not complaints and disdainful sighs.

Once in the water it was difficult to get out.  Nonexistent swells promoted handstand competitions and relatively intense water treading exercises.  Fellow swimmers overheard English conversation and sought an audience.  It is not difficult to make friends in Ibiza.  Caleb and Jones are from Calgary (and comprised 1/6 of the Canadians staying at our hostel), and Reign, a Californian, was on vacation leave from serving in Iraq.  We quickly deduce they are staying in Giramundo and plan to attend Amnesia tonight.  The party gods are kind and just.  Welcome, new friends.

Forces combine on the beach – the crew gains three new members, two six packs, and a bottle of vodka.  Palms trees line the boardwalk, restaurant and hotel terraces overflow onto the beach, swimsuits are outnumbered only by smiles.  The copious amount of bodies on the beach is evenly spread over the sand, encouraging interaction without confrontation.  This photograph is a fair summation of the situation:



*Entertainment Highlight:  Behind us, a scrawny man wearing a fedora transcended the beach atmosphere, entered his only world, and had the time of his life.  His riotous antics and unintelligible dialect gained the attention of everyone within earshot.  What language he spoke, I will never know.  Whether this behavior was drug induced, I will never know.  All I know is that I wanted to be on whatever level he was during this time. 
At first, he sat quietly on the staircase that separated boardwalk from beach, bobbing his head to distant music, minding his own business.  Gradually, he began to engage passersby in short, one-sided, incoherent conversation and unfounded laughter.  Interaction seemed to enhance his excitement and before long he was pacing around, pointing and talking to no one in particular, laughing boisterously. 
Then the imaginary soccer ball made an appearance.  The ensuing actions went something like this:  imitate sports announcer voice - kick sand back and forth with imaginary teammate - blow imaginary whistle - pick up imaginary ball - place it delicately on sand - back up - strike (with impressive form) - watch flight of imaginary ball - hesitate, hesitate - “GGOOOOOOOLLLL!” - somersault, somersault, bury head in sand – sprint, with arms open, screaming loudly towards the ocean – launch into waves.  This happened multiple times to the amusement of the spectators.  Absolute hilarity.

Energy and liveliness dominate Ibiza, especially when night falls.  There is no denying that a preponderance of the beachgoers went hard the night before and seek to do the same tonight.  Promoters peruse the towels offering wristbands at discount prices for the clubs that evening.  Despite the overarching anticipation for more heavy electronic beats and nonstop dancing, the scene is composed, tranquil, and comfortable.  First photo session of Ibiza ensues with a short walk around the boardwalk, taking in the sun, landscape, and environment.  Peacefulness sets in.  Hours pass, the evening approaches, and our group needs sustenance.

*Nominee for Best Meal:  Pio Lindo.  Whether it was the company, tastes, service, or prices, Pio Lindo deserves some serious praise.  Recommended by a local bartender with one eye, this restaurant was perfect for our cause.  Large portions of exceptional food, prepared by locals, and easy on the wallet.  Oh, and they served beer.  Our group of seven sat outside at the insistence of our server, Rosario.  We ordered a round of Estrellas and devoured three baskets of bread.  The vinegar was superb – clean, fresh, and impossible to resist.  Reign and I ordered for the table, “(In Spanish) Three orders of the half chicken with french fries, one order of the beef tongue, two tortillas, one with spinach and mushroom, the other with potatoes and cheese, and a chicken friend steak.  Oh, and one more round of Estrellas.  And water for the table!”

The food was bomb.  Plates were passed around, multiple toasts were made and we grew closer during the course of the meal.  The lengua de bistec (beef tongue) was my personal favorite.  The tender meat was cooked to perfection and smothered in a sauce that was spicy enough to taste the habaƱero but not overly fierce.  Amanda was not thrilled to learn it was tongue after I insisted she try it.

Anticipating the need to get cleaned up and commence further pre-game shenanigans, we wrap up the meal with everyone fully satisfied.  The bill?  63€.  For seven twenty-something year old partygoers to gorge until satiated.  We will be back, Pio Lindo, count on it.  Tipping is not customary in European culture, but we hooked Rosario up.

Picked up drinking supplies and party favors en route to Giramundo and took a mini siesta/chill session.  Another absolutely rockin’ shower and I was ready to go.  This is a good time to remind everyone, Ibiza is the hottest place on earth during this time of year (not really, but roll with it).  With no air conditioning in the hostel, sweating all day and night is customary.  Even cold showers, with the cold water on full blast, are still lukewarm.  It is madness.  My best advice is to embrace the heat, celebrate the sweat, and focus on the task at hand: raging face.

With everyone spruced up to the best of their abilities, it was time to get down to business.  Our destination tonight is Amnesia IbizaWho is playing at Amnesia tonight, Andrew?  Oh, Sebastien Leger, Feed Me, Skrillex, and Eric PrydzNo big deal.  For those of you unfamiliar with Eric Prydz, watch the music video for “Call On Me,” scientifically proven to be the best music video of all time.

Giramundo is small and by this point everyone in residence has crossed paths.  Three rooms on the second floor share a large terrace – a party terrace, if you will.  Standard procedure for pre-gaming ensues: groups converge, bring booze and food, finish getting dressed, share stories from the night before and earlier that day, get stoked for round two – you know the drill.  Tonight, though, we decided to get really drunk, not like the night before.  Mostly in anticipation for Skrillex and the unavoidable womps and wobbles associated with his act.  I am one of few people truly looking forward to some heavy dubstep tonight.  “He’s the worst excuse for a DJ ever,” exclaims Tyler, “he just puts a lot of terrible sounds in his songs and stands there.”

“Drink this,” I hand him the bottle of Jim Beam claiming, “if you drink enough you may or may not have a better attitude.  Temporarily, most likely, but that beats bitching.”  He accepts the invitation and raises Mr. Beam to the sky in honor of the moment.  Wine bottles, shot glasses, handles, and vodka saturated Fanta bottles unite in the air for a toast to friendship, happiness, dancing shoes, and strobe lights.  Laughter and conversation pass the time for a solid two hours before midnight strikes and we stumble to the cab stand.  Everyone is more prepared tonight than we were for Pacha.  The girls are not wearing high heels (brilliant), we have a larger crew, and we know what to expect from this wonderful island.  We depart for Amnesia with our beach group plus Gemma, an Aussie staying across the hall, and Jonathon, visiting from Arizona.  Solid crews recruit, become more solid, and enhance club-crushing experience.

Amnesia Nightclub - another wonder of the discotheque world.  Comprised of two main rooms (at least from what I saw), there is plenty of space to move, observe, drink, and mingle.  The main floor reminds me of the Fillmore Auditorium in Denver – large dance area in front of the stage, flanked by elevated bars, and a high ceiling.  The lighting on the ceiling looks like the Sahara Tent from Coachella 2011 (I wasn’t there, but saw pictures).  Hanging planes of LED lights looked like a three dimensional iTunes visualizer, only in a club, and on the ceiling.  It was sick. 

Despite arriving at the venue well past midnight, we were among the first people there.  With ample time before the noteworthy acts took the stage, we allow ourselves to become acquainted with the area.  Making friends with bartenders, purchasing Whip-its from wandering waitresses, noting bathroom locations, and claiming the best dance spot were of utmost priority.  As previously mentioned, the price for a drink in Ibiza clubs is preposterous.  A brief investigation reveals that the cheapest drinks around are beers (10€) and absinthe shots (9€).  Seriously?  ABSINTHE is the cheapest drink we can get?  We’re going to need fourteen shots.  Thanks, bartender, see you in a bit.  If I was not drunk enough upon arrival, this effort helped the cause.

My one qualm of the evening, of the entire three and half days actually, was music related.  The amateur, warm-up DJ played the same exact beat for, literally, an hour and thirteen minutes.  Of course we were dancing our faces off, but the monotony was incessant.  At one point, I was bored enough to go spend 15€ on a vodka-tonic to spice things up.  While at the bar, there was a glimmer of hope for a musical transition.  The lights and lasers intensified, the beat picked up; signs of a potential drop.  Standing at the bar, waiting my turn, I faced the crowd with one hand in the air, anticipating a new beat.  Wait for it… wait for it… WWWOOOOO!

Massive letdown.  A moment of such promise – squandered and sacrificed to the same track that has rattled my brain for the past hour.  Arm comes down, eyes drop; my disappointment is evident.  I immediately lean over the bar and demand attention.  Time to check out the other room, this is pissing me off and that is not allowed.  V&T in hand, I find the group similarly annoyed and en route to the second stage.  Perfect timing – What up, Feed Me, let us wobble with you.  Those of you unfamiliar with Feed Me, he has a couple EPs under the mau5trap label and crushes live shows.  Ian Nunley first introduced me to him via a Facebook post in January 2011 and I have been a fan ever since.  According to Daniel Goldstein, “Talk To Me” is an appropriate song to play during the birth of one’s firstborn child.

For those of you keeping count of the number of drinks imbibed up to this point, you will understand that I was quite drunk.  Quite drunk, in relation to dubstep concerts = optimum condition, firing on all cylinders.  There is no question I enjoyed Feed Me’s set more than anyone in our group and, arguably, more than anyone in the venue.  With a preeminent idea of what to expect, his tracks Cloudburn and Blood Red did not catch me off-guard.  My fellow spectators, I am pleased to report, seemed pleasantly surprised by the triumph of such tracks.  Looking around, many expressions combined confusion with excitement to devise some of the best “nasty-bass” faces I have seen in a minute.  As Feed Me finished his set, he was not three steps off the stage before Skrillex was two steps on.  A seamless transition into further madness.  After one track, Gemma made an astute observation, “Skrillex is more wasted than I am.”  I shake off the tunnel vision and scope the stage.  Sure enough, Sonny was stumbling around and jabbering incoherently into the microphone.  Perhaps it was just typical Skrillex being Skrillex, but I did not care.  Despite his apparent inebriation, he rocked the socks off Amnesia.  My favorite moment of the night was singing along with his remix of Promises.  “AND YOU KEEP TELLING ME – TELLING ME THAT YOU’D BE SWEET – AND YOU NEVER WANT TO LEAVE MY SIDE – AS LONG AS I DON’T BREAK THESE – PROMISES – AND THEY STILL FEEL OH SO WASTED ON MYSELF”

WAAAAAHHHH.WAWAWAWA.WOMPWOMPWOMP.WIZOMP.BEEPBEEP.OHOHOH.SELFSELFSELFSELF.

Coincidentally, that moment was my last clear memory of the show.  But so it went.  For his entire set.  I wobbled and womped myself into an oblivion.  Loved every second of it.  Our crew seemed to enjoy themselves as well.  Tyler will refuse to admit it, but he loved it too.

While specific details of Eric Prydz’ set escape me, my authoritativeness as a professional rager qualifies me to dub his performance a success.  His stage lighting was domineering; lasers were on point, and the iTunes visualizer ceiling set the mood nicely.  A few times during his set, the whole crowd crouched to the floor together, and jump in unison as the beat hit.  This was brilliant in theory, but not always execution.  I have seen better coordination in mosh-pits at Taking Back Sunday concerts.  Of the five or six times this was attempted, MAYBE two times were executed on cue.  Good effort though, Amnesia.  We did it right.

Hopes of sleep are futile after these experiences, so once back at Giramundo, we sought the beach and potentially the sunrise.  Sober enough by this point, and too tired to make it all the way to the beach, we settled on what would become our “private terrace.”  Which meant we hopped the fence onto some fancy restaurants patio and listened to the waves crash as the moon reflected off the water.  Similar to the moment of introspection in Howth on the “Sit A While” bench, I felt completely content in that moment.  No matter the circumstances one may be facing at any given moment in space and time, one is supposed to be there at that moment, in that place, with the people you are with.  It is the actions and responses to any given situation that determine personal wellbeing.  Never will I forget that moment on the “private terrace” - the inner serenity, the paralyzing gratefulness for the life I lead, the recognition of amazing family and friends.  It was a nice moment.

We were too early for sunrise, so it was off to bed.  Hotter inside our hostel than out, sleep was fitful but embraced.  Nothing could have prepared us for the glory that awaited us on our final day on the White Island.

October 24, 2011

End.

4:20 pm:  London to Dulles
10:14 pm:  Dulles to Denver International

See you soon, America.

October 16, 2011

Purpose and Procedure: Temporary Failure

I would be remiss to avoid the fact that the primary purpose for the creation of TAORM has been utterly disregarded since it's institution in August.  Even the simplest details, such as location, companions, travel logistics, and subsequent plans, have failed to appear here.  To the readers who attended this site seeking information on said circumstances, I apologize.  It pleases me, however, to report that the lack of focus towards TAORM was eclipsed by, arguably, the most amazing experiences of my life.  As previously mentioned, I look forward to paying these memories proper attention in this forum.  Upon our return to Denver on October 24, I envision a week of reading, writing, organizing photographs, and reminiscing in general before commencing Season Two in a little place called Aspen.

At this moment, I sit at a free internet cafe on Rhodes Island, Greece - a boot of beer in hand, green and red parrots squawk noisily, numerous stray cats prowl the premises, and tourists overrun the local shops.  We arrived in port at 5:00 this morning after a 20 hour ferry ride from Santorini - a fascinating caldera with endless views that belong on postcards and beaches that rival the best in the world.  Tomorrow morning we leave for Istanbul, our second to last destination.  Might as well call it the last considering the energy and funds required to take advantage of London's sights are lacking.  Whatever, it's just England.

See you soon, America.